Lynne ydw i

Monthly Archives: July 2008

Things that piss me off

  1. Counselors who think it’s perfectly acceptable to hog ‘rock band‘ while the kids stand around with nothing to do.
  2. Counselors who think my class is free time for them and have lunch delivered
  3. Counselors who couldn’t organize a piss up in a brewery let alone a game of dodge ball
  4. Specialists who are allergic to mosquitoes (not me) yet don’t use repellent, come to work with great big welts over their legs and arms, scratch incessantly while I’m eating lunch and turn up their nose when I mention benadryl – FINE let them eat you alive you moronic dipshit.
  5. Maintenance workers who walk through the door with the broken handle every friggin day carrying screwdrivers but don’t tighten the screw that’s come loose which causes the 18in handle to flap in the breeze. WTF!
  6. Parents who think it’s perfectly acceptable to send their child in a mini skirt and flip flops to camp – let me explain, it’s a 42 acre spread (yes in the middle of staten Island) most of which is hillside, lots of trees, and big boggy pond – the kids walk – a lot.
  7. Stupid parents who bypass the parking lot and drive up around the main house where 400+ kids are playing on the front lawn because they’re to lazy to walk 40ft
  8. 2nd graders who can’t figure out how to play a program designed for preK yet plonk them in front of an xbox and they’d be switching between grenades, flares and smoke bombs in 2 seconds flat.
  9. The drama class – bunch of prissy girls who think they can act
  10. Claymation! It doesn’t matter how many times I demonstrate, doesn’t matter how many times I explain they still think 20 stills is going to produce an hour long movie.

I’m so done with camp this year, it’s draining the life out of me.

Ducks?

I’m walking through camp on my home and I see a family of ducks.

Now a little background on my walks home – I ALWAYS have my camera hanging around my neck, it’s like breathing apparatus, it’s essential. However today, it wasn’t around my neck.

There, as I walked down the hill, a family of ducks emerged, ever so cute, ever so ‘omg I need to take a picture’ – so I’m tripping over the straps of my backpack dripping an open bottle of water down my legs frantically trying to free the camera from it’s layers of padding.

I caught the ducks just before they scooted into the trees trying to get away from the crazed paparazzi – unfortunately in my haste they came out crap.

Just goes to show, doesn’t matter how expensive the camera is, if the person holding it is a complete moron (that would be me today) the photos will suck.
I didn’t even manage to get a blade of grass in focus.

Stop thief!

10 minutes after the first half of the senior class left, the counselor wanders back into my room and places my can of sprite on the counter and turns to leave. Hmph, I say to no one in particular, but I follow him and ask what he was doing with my sprite. One of the kids took apparently, and he didn’t want to make an issue out of it.

Well excuse me, my room, my class, my sprite – it is an issue.

Now without my daily can of sprite I’m a bitch. Ok, without a coffee, sprite, cigarette, chocolate and a myriad of other things I’m a bitch too but sprite is a big part of keeping me happy at camp.

So he points out the kid and I gesture (with my newly manicured finger nail) that he approach me. Now let me point our that out of all the kids in the group, I would not have thought this child would take something that didn’t belong to him.
So I asked him why he took it, ‘it was on the desk‘ says he.
‘um yes‘ says I ‘but why did you take it?’
‘it was there yesterday, I didn’t think it belonged to anyone‘
‘Hmm, yes there was one there yesterday, but I drank it, and there’ll be one there tomorrow until I drink it too, and that one was there today waiting for me to drink it‘
‘I didn’t think it was anyones‘ says he getting defensive
‘what desk was it on?’
‘yours‘
‘ooooooooooook, so who did you think the sprite belonged to?’
‘you?’
‘Bingo! so I ask again, why did you think it was ok to take something that didn’t belong to you?’

And so the conversation continued, him getting more agitated, me getting more pissed off. It’s not the friggin sprite, it could have been anything and now I have to make sure everything is locked in my closet. God forbid I forget to put my cell phone back in my pocket, or leave a $1 unattended when not even a can of sprite is sacred these days.

Gee, could it be any worse

I’ve more of less give up reading the bloody financials in the newspaper, it’s to depressing.

Car manufacturers insisted on churning out those big suv’s, gas has gone up, people no longer want them, they’re in the red and laying off workers.

The government are bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac because anther bunch of dip shits in charge made bad investments. The first bank of Nevada has gone under, so has First Heritage Bank in CA – who’s next?

This is just depressing. I have visions from ‘ A Christmas Carol’ – workhouses, the very poor, the very rich and nothing in between.

If Barack is the next one in charge, we’re friggin doomed, it’s going to take a whole lot more than a fresh face to dig us out of this mess, and I don’t think he has the know how to do it.

I’m in the midst of determining which country is the best place to be down and out, the UK or the US.

I’ve seen…

Breeanah, Breanna, Breannah

Kheennan, Keenan, Keynnon

Qaadezia, Kahadecia, Kadezah

D’Shaaun, D’sean, Dayshawn

Brittany, Britany, Brittony

To name but a few stupid spelling of non traditional names. Some of the spellings are mistakes because the parents are clueless, and some of the spellings made purposely in an attempt to be “different’.

NEWS FLASH – it’s not different, it’s just plain stupid!

While I’m ranting, I’d also like to mention I hate kids who have nicknames as real names too. Kate is short for Katherine or Kathleen, Matt is short for Matthew , Tom is short for Thomas – you don’t put nicknames down on the birth certificate – eyeroll

I could go on paragraph after paragraph with stupid names given to children who are unfortunate enough to have celebrities as parents but I’ll just give a few – for a laugh:

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are the parents of Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue and Tallulah Belle. Sylvester Stallone has a Sage Moonblood and Sistine Rose – seriously, wtf was he on? Michael Hutchence named his daughter Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily – now there’s a wacko in the making.

BUT, the creme de la cream of idiotic names, and stupid ass parents has to go to the nutmegs in New Zealand

wait for it:

“Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”

I kid you not!

No it’s not just ‘Talula’ it really is (or should I say was, until a judge stepped in) “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”

There should be a book at the hospital filled with socially acceptable approved names, and I would do the approving.

Everyone in favor say AYE!

Honestly, I’m starting to regret my choice of ‘Conor’ – I’m wishing I went with something plain like ‘John’, Stephen, or David.