Dear Stupid

Posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008 at 8:05 am

Hubby pointed out a letter today in the local paper. Posted in the dear Abby section:

My fiance and I have a 3 year old child and have been living together for 5 years. When we go out dancing, he leaves me with his best friend and is sometimes gone for up to five hours. When he returns he’s usually all sweaty. Should I be worried?

Now Abby must have rolled her eyes at this one several times, pausing only to take another swig at her whiskey because let’s face it, if you have to read shit like this everyday you have to have some alcoholic beverage sitting on the table next to you.

Abby of course was very polite in her answer, ‘take a friend next time’ she says ‘your friend can then stalk fiance and find out what he’s up to’.

What she should have said:

Dear stupid

Yes you should be very worried because your brain isn’t functioning properly, I’m thinking gigantic tumor over your common sense lobe. He’s gone for 5 hours and you sit there like a banana patiently waiting his return!? Firstly if my fiance disappeared for 20 minutes I’d be combing the immediate area looking for the douchbag, and after 30 minutes I’d have his best friend up against the wall with a 9mm pointed at his dick.

He’s either getting laid in a back room, hell no need for a back room you sit there for 5 hours, he could check into the friggin marriot and eat a 4 course meal with some floozy - and/or he’s getting high somewhere! Then again, since he’s coming back all sweaty he might just be dancing up a storm on the dance floor for the full 5 hours - NOT - you idiot.

Dump him, get a clue, get a lawyer and sue his ass!