Me against the hummer nitwit
I should rename this blog to “the irritable bitch that is me” - how do you say that in Welsh anyway?
So I’m in the parking lot at Lowes and nit wit in the hummer is taking up far to much road space. Along comes little car with family inside, taking up the appropriate space in the road and refusing to budge. Nitwit in hummer was forced to hop the curb and of course shouted a few explicits out of the window. I followed, plenty of room since I was too driving a normal sized car.
I parked, was about to exit my normal sized vehicle when nitwit in hummer pulls up along size. Holy mother of God, the entire parking lot and nitwit has to park next to me. It’s like having a friggin tank pull up along side.
Whatever, I exit, but wasn’t quick enough apparently nitwit in the hummer hadn’t finish ranting.
“did you see that, did you see that, I had to go up on the curb to avoid that idiot, did you see where he parked?”
I quickly looked around, hoping beyond all hope nitwit wasn’t addressing me, I only wanted to run in and get some molding.
Alas, twas me nitwit was blabbering to.
“Some people, I’m going to have to take my car to the garage tomorrow, the wheels are probably all out of alignment”
I snorted, I couldn’t stop myself, it was an involuntary sound it just came out. It’s the kind of snort one makes when they’re trying desperately not to laugh at the pure lunacy of nitwit.
“Excuse me?” said nitwit indignantly
I was forced to respond.
“Look”, says me “that is not a car, you’re driving a hummer. It was built to crush small villages in war-torn areas. Haven’t you seen the commercials, apparently it can scale a 65% incline. I seriously doubt you knocked your wheels out of alignment and if you did, ask for a refund. If you’re not aware of your vehicle’s capabilities perhaps you should consider a small car and do us all a favor by allowing us to drive around parking lots without fear of you infringing on our side of the road - have a nice day”
And as I turned to leave - “You probably swerve around tiny little pot holes as well don’t you?
I walked off, leaving nitwit trying to scrape his chin off the tarmac.
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I blame CSI
I assume this was an H2. (The H3 is almost normal-sized, and hardly anyone buys an H1, the original military ripoff, since it costs something in six digits.)
And a proper H2 can drive over cars, so curbs mean nothing: obviously this nitwit is a graduate of the University of Poseurs.
You are so awesome.
Seconded.
Oh, and yes, they do swerve around pot holes and come to a dead stop when confronting a slightly inclined driveway (much like the folks that drive similarly inverse size/IQ vehicles).
Me and the Subaru tend to hit those sorts of things at about 30 because our vehicles are actually designed for things like offroad driving.
You should have told him he’s also compensating for a small penis too. Then, run like hell! LOL!
In my younger days, the Hummer owner’s potential alignment problem would have paled in comparison to the four flat tires he would have had. I wouldn’t do that now in my old age, except as a training exercise for the young-uns. ;)
It really is a shame we don’t require special licenses for Hummers and other roided-up minivans like it.
That was brilliant! Bravo!
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Hubs big boss (at the company that shall not be named) recently bought one of those things.
The entire office has decided he has Napoleon syndrome.
(Hubs says he prefers his with a gun turret and a 50 cal on top)
@ Tink
Yes, can I borrow it to shoot all the impostors off SI
The bigger the car, the smaller the brain.